"I just love words."
There was a girl, back in high school, whom I liked very much. She was pretty, smart and has a very friendly "ate". If I remember it right, I noticed every morning while I was sitting in our classroom. She would always pass by and then, she was the apple of my eye since then. But here's the catch: TORPE ako! And if being torpe was a crime, i would definitely be guilty as charged.
Every time that I was close to her, my sweat glands burst and my words would shatter. So, I decided to write, in the form of poems and sonnets. Surprisingly, I have not written anything for her (This is officially the first one). My first poems are about ambiguous sadness and metaphors. Those were never about love to be presented to someone, especially a girl.
Since then, I had this passion for words. I am easily amused by defining words. I love words which are not often used. I read the dictionary. And, I always try to include long, unusual words to my sonnets. I also plan of releasing my own book, a compilation of my sonnets. If, by any chance, you find such book authored by some Crescent or Pedro: Ang Taong Supot, please buy it because, it will probably be me. :)
Well, since I am writing about sonnets. I think it is worth mentioning that my favorite writer is Sir William Shakespeare. I am currently in the path of having a copy of his works because, obviously, I would love to have him as my influence.
I haven't really written anything for seven months now, but I'm sure, when I write again, I would gladly post it here.
"Smile! Everything gets a lot better after that." >=)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Andenophilia
"I am just contented with the simple things she do."
Seeing her in a photograph makes me blush, and when I met her personally, she just made me blah blah blah blah blah (i can't really put it in words =p). She waved at me, then she smiled. That was enough to make me melt inside out. I talked to her like there was no tomorrow. I told her stupid things. I told her anything that i could think of. Actually, I don't remember anything I told her. I just remember the mesmerized feeling of being in her presence. And if her voice was an audio file, I would most likely play it on repeat and on the maximum volume. Clearly, she was out of any criteria I could think of.
With an unclear intention and a half-sober brain, I was calling her on her cellphone. It was just for hearing her voice again and convincing myself that what happened was never a dream nor a pigment of my imaginative mind. And every time that I got the chance to talk to her, I can't seem to find anything else to think about. I seemed to have lost my perception of time. And every time she hung up, she takes me back to this hypnotic trance that make me say blah blah blah blah.
There came a time that things got rough for me. At that time, she was one those few individuals whom I talked to. I was surprised because I was telling her the whole story. The pain. The wrath. The suffering. The sadness. But I was surprised even more when I realized that she was listening to me. I thought that, in her perspective, I was just an acquaintance and almost a friend. She showed me the kind of care and kindness that I needed. And by innocent confirmation of the fact that I was indeed her friend, she made me feel better.
I asked her out and she agreed. We met at one of the most panoramic places in Manila: Intramuros =). She was there with a friend, but nevertheless, she came. It was just a friendly date. We had a walk. We had a talk. And we had kwek-kwek and Float(yummy). Sadly, the date had to end and we had to go on our separate ways on the station. But I insisted to be with her as long as possible, and then again, she let me. She said goodbye but the smile on my face was with me on my way home. Every thing was just ordinary except the lady that I'm with was the most extraordinary I have ever known. For the record, it felt great.
It really did not occur to me when I exactly fell for her but what I know is that I wont stop... even if we are just friends. Just friends.
"Smile! Everything gets a lot better after that." >=)
Seeing her in a photograph makes me blush, and when I met her personally, she just made me blah blah blah blah blah (i can't really put it in words =p). She waved at me, then she smiled. That was enough to make me melt inside out. I talked to her like there was no tomorrow. I told her stupid things. I told her anything that i could think of. Actually, I don't remember anything I told her. I just remember the mesmerized feeling of being in her presence. And if her voice was an audio file, I would most likely play it on repeat and on the maximum volume. Clearly, she was out of any criteria I could think of.
With an unclear intention and a half-sober brain, I was calling her on her cellphone. It was just for hearing her voice again and convincing myself that what happened was never a dream nor a pigment of my imaginative mind. And every time that I got the chance to talk to her, I can't seem to find anything else to think about. I seemed to have lost my perception of time. And every time she hung up, she takes me back to this hypnotic trance that make me say blah blah blah blah.
There came a time that things got rough for me. At that time, she was one those few individuals whom I talked to. I was surprised because I was telling her the whole story. The pain. The wrath. The suffering. The sadness. But I was surprised even more when I realized that she was listening to me. I thought that, in her perspective, I was just an acquaintance and almost a friend. She showed me the kind of care and kindness that I needed. And by innocent confirmation of the fact that I was indeed her friend, she made me feel better.
I asked her out and she agreed. We met at one of the most panoramic places in Manila: Intramuros =). She was there with a friend, but nevertheless, she came. It was just a friendly date. We had a walk. We had a talk. And we had kwek-kwek and Float(yummy). Sadly, the date had to end and we had to go on our separate ways on the station. But I insisted to be with her as long as possible, and then again, she let me. She said goodbye but the smile on my face was with me on my way home. Every thing was just ordinary except the lady that I'm with was the most extraordinary I have ever known. For the record, it felt great.
It really did not occur to me when I exactly fell for her but what I know is that I wont stop... even if we are just friends. Just friends.
"Smile! Everything gets a lot better after that." >=)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Not-So-Happily Ever After
"Breaking her heart is tragic, but ruining her life is unforgivable."
Our fairy tale has ended.
We did not get back together but I honestly think it's much better this way. No regrets. No worries. No more pain. No more crying. We can both think of the same memory in a much better perspective. I am done about my past and I have learned so much.
(thank you nga pla kay patte at kay mai!)
"Smile! Everything gets a lot better after that." >=)
Our fairy tale has ended.
We did not get back together but I honestly think it's much better this way. No regrets. No worries. No more pain. No more crying. We can both think of the same memory in a much better perspective. I am done about my past and I have learned so much.
(thank you nga pla kay patte at kay mai!)
"Smile! Everything gets a lot better after that." >=)
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Toss Coin
She loves me.
I love her.
She cheated on me.
I fought for her.
She came back.
I gave her a chance.
She cheated again.
I had enough.
She wants me back.
I did not want her.
She had the pain.
I had my pride.
She broke my heart.
I broke her heart.
She's still in pain.
I became numb.
She still wants me.
I was dumb.
She loves me so.
I loved her still.
She is still in pain.
I want to ease her pain.
She was tired.
I held on.
She ignores the pain.
I swallowed my pride.
She didn't want me.
I want her back.
"Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face!" >=)
I love her.
She cheated on me.
I fought for her.
She came back.
I gave her a chance.
She cheated again.
I had enough.
She wants me back.
I did not want her.
She had the pain.
I had my pride.
She broke my heart.
I broke her heart.
She's still in pain.
I became numb.
She still wants me.
I was dumb.
She loves me so.
I loved her still.
She is still in pain.
I want to ease her pain.
She was tired.
I held on.
She ignores the pain.
I swallowed my pride.
She didn't want me.
I want her back.
"Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face!" >=)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Tragedy
"Break-ups can hurt like hell, but still, it is NOT unbearable."
Believe it or not, I had a girlfriend. Once. We met in an unusual time, in an unusual place, in our unusual selves. Our story started like a fairytale. A fairytale indeed. In our 3yr relationship, we have experienced almost everything. We even we far beyond any 15yr old kids would go. They had their rules, and we had our world. They had their bounds, we had each other. We cared so much about each other and we cared less about other people. We were so much in love. Or maybe too much in love. But we cared not as long as we're happy. Rapture. Bliss.
But then, we broke up. In an unexpected time with an unexpected reason. My brows were crumpled and my face, as if it never learned to smile. I felt angry, even wrathful. I thought of killing a person in an inhumane manner. A thousand murders were plotted in my mind. I was not my self anymore.
After anger, I felt such sadness. A kind of sadness that I never felt before. Some nights I will choose not to think. For every melancholic thoughts bring forth such pain. I would rather not think than weep. I also felt pity for my self. I was so helpless, so alone. And also, I felt guilty. I would ask my self, where did I go wrong or haven't I given enough.
After some time, I accepted what happened. Even though I never really understood why. I have friends that listened to me when I thought that I was unheard. I have friends that cared for me when I thought I was not cared for. And there was someone who made me feel happy and made me smile again. Then I realized, maybe, we were just victims of the same tragic end.
Just keep in mind that you not that alone. There will always be something or someone to make you feel that life is not so tragic. You would always have a reason to smile. Luckily for me, I had one.
"Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face!" >=)
Believe it or not, I had a girlfriend. Once. We met in an unusual time, in an unusual place, in our unusual selves. Our story started like a fairytale. A fairytale indeed. In our 3yr relationship, we have experienced almost everything. We even we far beyond any 15yr old kids would go. They had their rules, and we had our world. They had their bounds, we had each other. We cared so much about each other and we cared less about other people. We were so much in love. Or maybe too much in love. But we cared not as long as we're happy. Rapture. Bliss.
But then, we broke up. In an unexpected time with an unexpected reason. My brows were crumpled and my face, as if it never learned to smile. I felt angry, even wrathful. I thought of killing a person in an inhumane manner. A thousand murders were plotted in my mind. I was not my self anymore.
After anger, I felt such sadness. A kind of sadness that I never felt before. Some nights I will choose not to think. For every melancholic thoughts bring forth such pain. I would rather not think than weep. I also felt pity for my self. I was so helpless, so alone. And also, I felt guilty. I would ask my self, where did I go wrong or haven't I given enough.
After some time, I accepted what happened. Even though I never really understood why. I have friends that listened to me when I thought that I was unheard. I have friends that cared for me when I thought I was not cared for. And there was someone who made me feel happy and made me smile again. Then I realized, maybe, we were just victims of the same tragic end.
Just keep in mind that you not that alone. There will always be something or someone to make you feel that life is not so tragic. You would always have a reason to smile. Luckily for me, I had one.
"Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face!" >=)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
The Crescent and The Joker
A crescent is a phase of the moon that looks like the letter "C". C as in cool. C as in cruel. C as in cursed. And maybe, a representation of myself.
Night time was always a lone time for me. I talk to my self more than to other people. And some nights, when I feel lonelier than usual so I go out to our backyard and stare at the moon for a few moments. And every time I do that, I feel wonderful. I just feel warm and fuzzy inside. Thats when I decided that I would call my self Crescent.
Being Crescent, I had my fare share of what life has to offer. I laughed, I cried, and I made mistakes. I made new friends and lost some. I had fun, got drunk rocked out. I joked, kid and made a fool of my self. I fought a war with love and was defeated. I felt such extreme emotions that I have never felt before. I was pushed to my limits until, like mirror, I was shattered into a thousand pieces. I was lost.
Eventually, I found my self. But I was not the same anymore. I picked up the pieces of my old self but only those pieces that reflected the good things. I retrieved the smile, the laughter, the fun and the optimism that life is not so tragic. I told my self that I can still smile even when there is nothing to smile about. I told my self that I can still make a joke even when there is nothing to laugh about. Thus, The Joker is born.
"Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face!" >=)
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